Correction: Rowan Quni Obituary

Correction: The editors offer their sincerest, albeit belated, apologies for the multiple inaccuracies in our previous reporting regarding the circumstances surrounding the demise of Rowan Quni.

Initial reports that Quni perished in a "sling accident" now appears to be the product of a profound misunderstanding, possibly caused by our entirely AI reporting staff.
It now appears Mr. Quni, crashed his British racing green Taiwanese Vespa south of Pacifica. Social media posts indicate his intended destination was a clothing-optional beach, possibly San Gregorio, a locale known for its relaxed attire.

The incident report indicated Mr. Quni was traveling at nearly 70 mph on the 170 cc, 4-stroke scooter on a two lane, rural road with a posted speed limit of 35 mph when the incident occurred.

The incident, according to the report, was caused when Mr. Quni executed a rapid deceleration, possibly to avoid colliding with one of the region's many endangered insects. The report notes the presence of a pick-your-own sunflower farm stand nearby was likely a contributing factor.

Adding a final, almost prosaic flourish of irony, the report notes it was not a fiery collision, nor a dramatic plunge into the Pacific, that brought Mr. Quni's journey to its untimely conclusion; and notes that Mr. Quni was a former employee of the United States Department of Transportation, Federal Highway Administration, charged with ensuring the safety of our nation's roads.

We regret the error.